Monkey Mind

It takes me a long time to choose my selection when dining out. It isn’t because the options are so limited, which they are, or that I’m indecisive, which admittedly, I am sometimes, but its because I am a perfectionist. And perfectionists never like to think they are missing an opportunity. If I order the wild salmon, I’m missing out on the free range, organic chicken. The butternut squash soup…miss out on the vegetarian bean. It’s a difficult way to navigate the world. I said, in my last post, that this winter break I made no grand plans. I vowed to take what comes with gratitude and appreciation.

Well, I tried. The first part was relatively easy. Laziness, fortunately, balances out that foot shaking, finger tapping, cuticle biting other side of me and so, not making grand plans is relatively simple. It’s the taking things as they come, with gratitude and appreciation, that’s the hard part. It wasn’t the 100th game of Wii fit or the book report that we saved until the last minute or the mounting load of laundry that waits for me as I am in the process of “gratefully enjoying the moment”. It wasn’t even my daughter’s oral surgery and the antibiotics, narcotics, salt rinses and other miscellaneous pain relievers that needed to be tracked and administered. What was difficult, what was excruciatingly painful, was the constant play of what ifs, could haves, and would have beens that plague a perfectionist’s mind. It’s not that there is no appreciation of the moment or gratitude for the beautiful simplicities of life, but that there is a disconnect between what is now and what it could be. This is where gratitude and appreciation become compromised. The perfectionists, over achievers, type A personalities, the sensitive, over analytical types and the parents that are pulled in so many directions at any given moment, all mourn the lost potential of choosing one thing over the other. We all feel guilt over not being able to satisfy everybody’s needs. We all feel regret and loss when we miss those precious, fleeting opportunities because we are only one person, incapable of being in two places at the same time.

The Art of Now: Six Steps to Living in the Moment by Jay Dixit states that we live in the age of distraction. He quotes Buddhist scholar B. Alan Wallace who says that “we’re living in a world that contributes in a major way to mental fragmentation, disintegration, distraction, decoherence.” Dixit continues to describe life’s frantic pace. “We’re always doing something, and we allow little time to practice stillness and calm. When we’re at work, we fantasize about being on vacation; on vacation, we worry about the work piling up on our desks. We dwell on intrusive memories of the past or fret about what may or may not happen in the future. We don’t appreciate the living present because our “monkey minds,” as Buddhists call them, vault from thought to thought like monkeys swinging from tree to tree.”

My New Year’s intention is not to be more grateful or appreciative. It is, instead, to slowly disengage from my monkey mind, from the endless to do lists. It’s to be attached to the present. To be mindful by observing feelings and not analyzing or attaching judgement to them. Allowing myself to feel the discomfort of those missed opportunities may grant me the freedom to enjoy the present, to practice balance and mindfulness and in doing so, be kind to myself.

In honor of being mindful, of letting go and enjoying family and friends, the recipe of the week is: screw it – order in!

Happy and healthy New Year to all,
Adina Kelman
Holistic Health Coach
www.alifeinbalance.co

Making Memories

It was winter break 2010 that I decided that staying home, playing cards and sipping hot cocoa by the fireplace wasn’t enough to constitute the lasting memories I envisioned my children fondly cherishing into adulthood. And so I decided to travel into NYC on the most heavily traveled, tourist saturated, gridlock day available…..after a massive snowstorm…..alone…..with four children. I’m not really sure what I was thinking, but I had a mission. I was out to create memories. And that I did.

It was not like I was holding these tickets for a long time. I specifically sent my mom and dad out earlier that day where they purchased half price tickets to Rock of Ages based on the advice of the guy standing next to them. He touted the play as hilarious and appropriate for all ages. I guess that’s why there are so many different books on parenting. The plan was to meet at 4:00 for a leisurely dinner and then merrily waltz into the theater before curtain time smiling, happy, relaxed, practically skipping and oozing with love and good memories. The reality was that we barely made the show on time and we were certainly less than merry.

The Daily News described it as the sixth largest snowstorm in New York history which “buried the streets in four-foot drifts, brought transit to a halt and spread a strange and wonderful hush over the city.” Days after the Blizzard of 2010, where 18 to 24 inches of snow accumulated across the tiny island of Manhattan, was the day I decided to create memories. I guess I chose this day for the same unknown reason I would, as a little girl, only wear turtlenecks in winter. From the front seat of my mini van, I threw packets of stale nuts and lollipops at my whining, hungry children. My youngest daughter, then 6 years old, cried “mommy, I’m scared!” as I held down my horn screaming obscenities at the car and traffic guard in front of me. We ran into the theater, out of breath, cranky and hungry with four bagels and cream cheese smuggled in my bag from the deli next door.

I guess I had created a memory. Not the loving one that formed in my mind, but the crazy, hectic one that backfires whenever I put the expectation of perfect in front of me. This winter break I have made no grand plans. In fact, I may not even leave the house. I will try to take what comes with gratitude and appreciation for the moment while baking a dessert I have already tried.

Brownies from The Longevity Kitchen by Rebecca Katz

Ingredients:
1/3 cup almond flour, homemade or store-bought (I used Trader Joe’s almond meal)
1/3 cup brown rice flour (for brownies that are more fudgy, replace the rice flour with another 1/3 cup of almond flour – this was what I did)
2 tablespoons natural unsweetened cocoa powder (I used raw cacao powder)
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/8 teaspoon sea salt
8 ounces dark chocolate (68 to 72% cacao content), chopped
1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil

2 organic eggs
1/3 cup Grade B maple syrup

1/3 cup maple sugar
 (or light brown sugar)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup coarsely chopped walnuts (I left these out because my children insisted)

Directions:
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Line an 8-inch square baking pan with two pieces of foil long enough to overlap on all four sides. Lightly oil the foil. (I just oiled my brownie pan and put the batter in)
Put the almond flour, brown rice flour, cocoa powder, cinnamon, baking soda, and salt in a bowl and stir with a whisk to combine.
Put half of the chocolate in a heatproof bowl and set the bowl over a saucepan of simmering water. Heat, stirring often, just until the chocolate is melted and smooth. (I melted my chocolate in the microwave) Remove from the heat and whisk in the olive oil.
Crack the eggs into a large bowl and whisk until frothy. Slowly add the maple syrup and maple sugar, whisking all the while, and continue whisking until the mixture is smooth. Add the vanilla extract, then gradually add the chocolate, whisking vigorously all the while, and continue whisking until smooth and glossy.
Add the flour mixture and beat for about 1 minute. Stir in the remaining chocolate and the walnuts. Scrape the mixture into the prepared pan and smooth the top with a spatula.
Bake for 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
Let cool to room temperature in the pan, then cover and refrigerate for at least
 one hour before cutting into brownies. (Of course, I skipped the refrigeration part and the brownies did crumble, but they were still delicious!)

Wishing all safe, imperfect, happy holidays filled with joy and appreciation,
Adina Kelman
Holistic Health Coach
www.alifeinbalance.co